copyright 2000 - 2003                                                  RETURN TO HOME PAGE

DISCLAIMER  This material represents our best efforts at being helpful within the constraints of this format.
Other information and additional counseling should be considered before crucial decisions are made.
Number 7. Unwillingness to Forgive. Unwillingness to forgive is perhaps the greatest problem counselors face in trying to restore mariages. Without forgiveness a marriage cannot be rebuilt!

NOW TO SOME ADVICE 

          There are many reasons for marital problems. Unifying two individuals into a single unit requires concessions by both parties and a dedication to the process.

ADVICE: Remove from your thinking, divorce as an option. Consider your marriage a permanent covenant under God. In fact, each spouse needs to include God in their individual lives as well. The free pamphlet, The Meaning of Life can show you why this is so important. If you haven't read it do it now.

ADVICE: Friends of either partner can be a negative influence on the marriage. Consider joining a local Bible preaching church in your area and attend weekly. There you will find new friends who will be a positive force for your marriage. And, you will be taught from God's Word ways to improve your relationship.

ADVICE: Some spouses spend too much time inspecting their mate for flaws. Improve your role in the marriage. (Ephesians 5:23-33) Men should love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Women should respect their husbands as head of the marriage, even if in her view he's not doing his job very well.

ADVICE: Many marriages are hard to improve because of the constant bickering and shouting. It seems no one listens. Learn to be patient. Don't cut your mate down with your mouth (Proverbs 12:18,25). In addition, don't hold grudges or seek revenge (1 Thessalonians 5:15).

ADVICE: Quit trying to remake your spouse (1 Thessalonians 5:14). When one's spouse fails to be the perfect husband or wife, the other spouse will sometimes try to force them into a particular mold that's more appealing.

          Focus, instead, on meeting each other's needs. To put someone else first is an act of love. If both parties would just do this and then pray for each other every day, the marriage would prosper. (Phillippians 2:3-4 & Matthew 18:19)

ADVICE: If financial issues are the main problem in your marriage, you may need a financial advisor's help. Ask your pastor to suggest such a person to sit down with both of you. Also, consider several computer programs that can organize your financies, such as Quicken or QuickBooks.

          If the lack of discipline related to money is the problem, consider cutting up the credit cards and going on a cash basis for a while.

ADVICE: Men "act" and women "react." A wife usually reflects what the man is putting into the relationship. And she has a unique ability to change as the man changes. A smart man will realize these facts. So, to change her, he will change! She will "react" favorably.

YOU HAVE HOMEWORK:  Read the following verses in your Bible. Choose several each day. They will help you understand and strenghten your marriage.


                    Ecclesiastes 5:2-3
"I WAS WRONG!"

Cliff Barrow, who has worked for Dr. Billy Graham for years, says there are ten words that will safe-guard a marriage against problems:

                    "I was wrong, I'm sorry, Forgive me" and "I love you!"

The Bible teaches couples to clear the slate every day. It says in Ephesians
4:26-27 not to go to bed angry or holding a grudge. Verse 32 adds, "Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another."
A DIVINE INSTITUTION: Marriage is a divine institution. A record of the first marriage in history occurs in Genesis 2:18, 21-24. God, Himself, conducted the ceremony.

          It is intended that two people become one through marriage and that this relationship not be dissolved during the life of both.

          The merging of two people into one flesh can be a process characterized by friction and difficulty. Evidence of this is a divorce rate that has soared to over 50% within the last 10 years. A reported 65% of spouses now consider their marriage unsatisfying.

          This pamphlet discusses common marital problems,with the exception of infidelity. That is covered by a separate pamphlet entitled Affair Victims.

WHAT CAUSES MARITAL DIFFICULTY?

Number 1. Immature Marriage. A growing cause of marital difficulty is immature marriage. This is a marriage in which one or both spouses don't understand or aren't yet ready to take on the obligations and responsibilities of married life.

Number 2. Parental Conflicts. A second cause of marital difficulty is parental conflicts. Sometimes one or both parties can't cut the "umbilical cord" to their parents. Often parents simply interfere.

Number 3. Sexual Problems. Another difficulty is sexual in nature. Men are more into the physical aspects of sex, while women want both an emotional and physical bond. Problems arise when one or both parties are unwilling to meet the natural needs of their spouse.

Number 4. Financial Problems. Financial problems can harm a marriage relationship. The problem could simply be the lack, or the mismanagement of money. Sometimes a spouse from an affluent background finds it hard to cope with a lower standard of living. Usually however, it's the lack of control with credit cards followed by an accumulation of debt that strains the bonds of marriage.

Number 5. Communication Problems. Communication problems usually precede a marriage failure. Studies have revealed that on the average, women use 7000 words a day while men speak only 2000.The source of this inequity is a scientific fact. A man's brain is not "wired" with the verbal skills built into the female brain.

          So, while it is no surprise that women want their husbands to talk more, they should understand that if they don't, it may not be intentional or malicious -- it's just the way God made him! But it's a fault most women find difficult to overlook.

          But in the end, it is the things that are said, that are most damaging. Sarcastic, condemning, hurtful words can strain the union.

Number 6. Lack of Respect. Failing to give your mate due respect is another major problem in marriage. Women want to feel desired. Men want to be admired. Surely this much can be done for each other. Respect means treating your mate better than anyone else. Do you treat total strangers better than you treat your spouse?
Note to the Reader:  Before you read this material, first read The Meaning of Life. It is the cornerstone upon which all of our counseling rests. It only takes a few minutes to read. When you are finished, return to this page.
ADVICE for marital problems 
                                                                                          by Duron Davis
Note to the Reader:  Before you read this material, first read The Meaning of Life. It is the cornerstone upon which all of our counseling rests. It only takes a few minutes to read. When you are finished, return to this page.
A DIVINE INSTITUTION: Marriage is a divine institution. A record of the first marriage in history occurs in Genesis 2:18, 21-24. God, Himself, conducted the ceremony.

          It is intended that two people become one through marriage and that this relationship not be dissolved during the life of both.

          The merging of two people into one flesh can be a process characterized by friction and difficulty. Evidence of this is a divorce rate that has soared to over 50% within the last 10 years. A reported 65% of spouses now consider their marriage unsatisfying.

          This pamphlet discusses common marital problems,with the exception of infidelity. That is covered by a separate pamphlet entitled Affair Victims.

WHAT CAUSES MARITAL DIFFICULTY?

Number 1. Immature Marriage. A growing cause of marital difficulty is immature marriage. This is a marriage in which one or both spouses don't understand or aren't yet ready to take on the obligations and responsibilities of married life.

Number 2. Parental Conflicts. A second cause of marital difficulty is parental conflicts. Sometimes one or both parties can't cut the "umbilical cord" to their parents. Often parents simply interfere.

Number 3. Sexual Problems. Another difficulty is sexual in nature. Men are more into the physical aspects of sex, while women want both an emotional and physical bond. Problems arise when one or both parties are unwilling to meet the natural needs of their spouse.

Number 4. Financial Problems. Financial problems can harm a marriage relationship. The problem could simply be the lack, or the mismanagement of money. Sometimes a spouse from an affluent background finds it hard to cope with a lower standard of living. Usually however, it's the lack of control with credit cards followed by an accumulation of debt that strains the bonds of marriage.

Number 5. Communication Problems. Communication problems usually precede a marriage failure. Studies have revealed that on the average, women use 7000 words a day while men speak only 2000.The source of this inequity is a scientific fact. A man's brain is not "wired" with the verbal skills built into the female brain.

          So, while it is no surprise that women want their husbands to talk more, they should understand that if they don't, it may not be intentional or malicious -- it's just the way God made him! But it's a fault most women find difficult to overlook.

          But in the end, it is the things that are said, that are most damaging. Sarcastic, condemning, hurtful words can strain the union.

Number 6. Lack of Respect. Failing to give your mate due respect is another major problem in marriage. Women want to feel desired. Men want to be admired. Surely this much can be done for each other. Respect means treating your mate better than anyone else. Do you treat total strangers better than you treat your spouse?
"I WAS WRONG!"

Cliff Barrow, who has worked for Dr. Billy Graham for years, says there are ten words that will safe-guard a marriage against problems:

                    "I was wrong, I'm sorry, Forgive me" and "I love you!"

The Bible teaches couples to clear the slate every day. It says in Ephesians
4:26-27 not to go to bed angry or holding a grudge. Verse 32 adds, "Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another."
Number 7. Unwillingness to Forgive. Unwillingness to forgive is perhaps the greatest problem counselors face in trying to restore mariages. Without forgiveness a marriage cannot be rebuilt!

NOW TO SOME ADVICE 

          There are many reasons for marital problems. Unifying two individuals into a single unit requires concessions by both parties and a dedication to the process.

ADVICE: Remove from your thinking, divorce as an option. Consider your marriage a permanent covenant under God. In fact, each spouse needs to include God in their individual lives as well. The free pamphlet, The Meaning of Life can show you why this is so important. If you haven't read it do it now.

ADVICE: Friends of either partner can be a negative influence on the marriage. Consider joining a local Bible preaching church in your area and attend weekly. There you will find new friends who will be a positive force for your marriage. And, you will be taught from God's Word ways to improve your relationship.

ADVICE: Some spouses spend too much time inspecting their mate for flaws. Improve your role in the marriage. (Ephesians 5:23-33) Men should love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Women should respect their husbands as head of the marriage, even if in her view he's not doing his job very well.

ADVICE: Many marriages are hard to improve because of the constant bickering and shouting. It seems no one listens. Learn to be patient. Don't cut your mate down with your mouth (Proverbs 12:18,25). In addition, don't hold grudges or seek revenge (1 Thessalonians 5:15).

ADVICE: Quit trying to remake your spouse (1 Thessalonians 5:14). When one's spouse fails to be the perfect husband or wife, the other spouse will sometimes try to force them into a particular mold that's more appealing.

          Focus, instead, on meeting each other's needs. To put someone else first is an act of love. If both parties would just do this and then pray for each other every day, the marriage would prosper. (Phillippians 2:3-4 & Matthew 18:19)

ADVICE: If financial issues are the main problem in your marriage, you may need a financial advisor's help. Ask your pastor to suggest such a person to sit down with both of you. Also, consider several computer programs that can organize your financies, such as Quicken or QuickBooks.

          If the lack of discipline related to money is the problem, consider cutting up the credit cards and going on a cash basis for a while.

ADVICE: Men "act" and women "react." A wife usually reflects what the man is putting into the relationship. And she has a unique ability to change as the man changes. A smart man will realize these facts. So, to change her, he will change! She will "react" favorably.

YOU HAVE HOMEWORK:  Read the following verses in your Bible. Choose several each day. They will help you understand and strenghten your marriage.


                    Ecclesiastes 5:2-3
copyright 2000 - 2003                                                  RETURN TO HOME PAGE

DISCLAIMER  This material represents our best efforts at being helpful within the constraints of this format.
Other information and additional counseling should be considered before crucial decisions are made.
THE COUNSELING CENTER     P.O. BOX 429     WHITE, GEORGIA   30184